Anniversary Musings
We took communion in church yesterday morning. It reminded me that 34 years ago [October 5, 1991] Drew and I took communion as part of our wedding ceremony. Wanting to start as we intended to live, we celebrated communion and looked to the Lord to be our center, individually and as a couple.
Now, our marriage has ended.
My life—its surface details, its overall structure, and its most significant human relationship—has changed, and continues to change, in dramatic ways.
I find myself weepy this weekend, easily moved to tears as I remember my life with Drew.
At its core, however, my life continues in its chosen path.
Jesus remains my center.
He is even more central in my life than He was 34 years ago. Decades of walking and running and dancing with Jesus have deepened my relationship with Him. My core desire to be transformed into the image of Jesus has only grown stronger. Practicing my faith in practical, personal, and public ways has deepened and expanded it. I am so much stronger than I was 34 years ago. I am a different person because I have followed Jesus.
It is beyond my ability to imagine what Drew is experiencing now. Here in this broken world, I look forward to the day when I will see Jesus face to face, when my partial knowledge will turn to fullness.
For now, I weep and mourn what was lost. Yet I know, as communion yesterday morning reminded me, that I am not alone. I am with family and friends. I am with Jesus.
Just as Jesus was with us at the start of our marriage, He is here with me after its end. He is with me in the life I now live. The daily details are different. There are major changes still ahead of me. But I still anticipate and desire to cultivate a bold, joyful life with Jesus, here in this troubled world.
Jesus said to love God and love our neighbor are the two greatest commandments, and all the others hang on these. [Matthew 22:37-40] Jesus came to give us abundant life. [John 10:10] Paul reminded the Romans life in Jesus’ Kingdom is one of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit [Romans 14:17] and our God is a God of hope. [Romans 15:13]
Therefore, there must be a way for me to still live an abundant, joyful, hopeful life, loving God and loving others. Communion reminds me of Jesus’ sacrifice for me and His victory over sin and death, now shared with me. No matter what troubles I have in this world, Jesus has overcome the world, and I can take heart in Him. [John 16:33]
In my grief and loneliness, I come back to these truths, and they expand my perspective. Yes, there is sorrow and loss, but that is not all there is. Yes, there are changes and losses to come, but there are goodness and joy to come as well.
Ultimately, there is so much goodness coming it’s not even worth comparing it to the afflictions we experience here and now!
[2 Corinthians 4:16-18]
We have to remember this.
We have to put our lives into the bigger context of eternity to see clearly and to respond differently than those without Christ. Because we do not mourn like those who have no hope. [1 Thessalonians 4:13]
These are some of the scriptures I turn to in my grief and loneliness. These are some of the reminders I give myself in my losses and empty spaces.
How about you?
What is changing in your life right now?
What scriptures are giving you hope?
How do you remind yourself of the truths that expand your perspective on your circumstances?
What brings you back to your core desire?
